Shyness and Tremors and Brain Farts…

Oh, my!

I rewrote my home page the other day, and since then I’ve been thinking about my shyness. It’s causes me to actually be afraid of speaking for fear of saying something that will cause me to feel embarrassed and stupid.

I’ve lived my entire life with that feeling. I’ve become somewhat less worried about what others think as the years have gone by, but it’s still there, lurking beneath every word I’m about to say, just waiting to whisper, “Yep, you did it again, you idiot. Can’t you say anything right?? See how they’re looking at you? That’s cuz you’re dumb. You should just shut up. Always.” It sucks when you’re own mind attacks you.

My tremors began 25 years ago after my divorce, and one of the side-effects of this lovely disease/affliction/annoyance…I don’t even know what to call it…is that it affects your memory. As in, you forget words.

Do you see where I’m going here?

I can be mid-sentence, and all of a sudden a word that was right there in my head took a left turn (I’d say at Albuquerque, but I’m already here) and got lost on the way to my mouth, and something completely inane comes out if I don’t catch myself in time to just let the sentence die off*. Suddenly ‘pencil’ becomes ‘yellow thing..writes…eraser…’ if I’m lucky. Most times a word comes out that is so ridiculous that I blush beet red and want to sink into a deep hole right then and there. Embarrassment on an epic level.

 

I’d love to think these are just normal brain farts, but it’s happening more and more, and as a result the shyness is kicking back in again with a vengeance. I was using alcohol to give that ‘don’t care’ buffer, but I’m trying very hard not to drink anymore, so I’m kind of stuck here, swimming in anxiety over speaking, even to my guy or friends. I find myself hermitting (I know it’s not a verb, but it should be) more and more, and prefer texting over calling.

 

 

 

 

The weirdest thing? I can send someone light to help them with their anxiety, but I can’t help myself. Is that like a psychic who can’t foresee their own future? At this rate, “This Hobbit’s Life” is going to become “This Hobbit’s Hermitage”. 😉

Anyway…not really sure where I was going with all this, it just popped into my head this morning and wanted to be written down.

Much love,

Pip 🙂

©Pip Miller – May 2018

 

*Someone posted the word for that on Twitter just the other day, but I can’t find it now.

PS: the first icon was made by someone called “lit-gal” on Live Journal, the second one I made, and the third one I have no idea. I know they’re small, but they fit what I’m writing, plus, hello, Firefly! 🙂

Buy Me A Coffee?

Except I don’t drink coffee often because tremors. 😉

 

 

For the month of June, all Oasis of Calm sessions under 30 minutes will be free.

 

Yep, free.

 

Instead of charging a dollar a minute, I’ll be using Buy Me A Coffee.

 

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

 

So here’s to some sparkling water!

©Pip Miller – May 2018

We Need a Free Buffer/Hootsuite Mash-up

Seriously. They both have free accounts for us little people with features that are amazing, but neither has ALL the features, so I go back and forth between the two, trying to find the right one to use so I’m not wasting billable time for my clients.

Check out the basic differences:

Buffer. Buffer rocks images. It pulls them up for all three of the big sites, no problem, and allows customization (whether in images or text) of each account without the need to create three different posts. Here, it’s telling me that these are the image options for Twitter, and the exclamation point next to the Instagram logo will probably show me the same. FB is already good to go.

 

Hootsuite, no images for Twitter. All you get is a link. And no customization.

 

Now, yes, I could take the extra time to save an image from the article, then attach it, but why when I don’t have to on Buffer, right? And customizing three separate posts is, again, time consuming.

Buffer also allows differing posting schedules for each account. You can see how this is for the FB page alone. This is fantastic. BUT, and this is the big one: no auto-scheduling. So you have to figure out/guess which are the best times to post to each account. Buffer used to have a thing you could click on that would show your best times, but it disappeared.

 

Hootsuite’s scheduling is for all accounts at once. But, it does have auto-scheduling. Auto-scheduling is da bomb.

 

Hootsuite let’s you see the likes, comments, rt, etc on your accounts (but not likes on Instagram), which is great because I do NOT like logging in to FB if I don’t have to. Ever. This causes me to use both Buffer and Hootsuite for one particular client.

 

Buffer, not so much. They used to show you the info, but maybe it’s now part of the paid accounts, I don’t know.

 

One last thing: they both allow 3 accounts for their free plans. Buffer allows 10 per account, and Hootsuite says 30, but I can’t remember if that’s 10 per, or 30 per.

So, really, what I want it all the Buffer awesomeness, with Hootsuite’s auto-scheduling and ability to see post activity and reply to comments.

Anyone?

Anyone?

Bueller?

Bueller?

©Pip Miller – may 2018

 

 

 

 

 

You Wouldn’t Think Not Actually Talking To People Would Be Exhausting, Would You?

All you introverts out there know how it is.

~Ooooh, look, the internet! I can chat with people and learn things and not have to leave my house or speak to anyone! What fun!!!

And then it becomes:

~Who are these people and why am I following them? Why is everything so negative now? Why do I dread getting online now? What happened to the FUN????

The thing about being an introvert is that we, as my mom always tells me, “live in our heads too much”. So while we aren’t actually expending energy attempting to be extroverts out in society, we are still expending energy because every. single. thing. we read gets stuck in our heads.

All of it. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

And the next thing we know, we’re exhausted just by the simple thought of logging in, never mind checking emails, replying to comments, writing blog posts…yeah, curling up in bed with a good book is about all we can handle at that point.

Luckily, I can help. And by helping you, I help me, too. It’s a win-win for everyone! Y’all know I do distance energy work, and almost overwhelmingly the one comment I get most of all is that it helps them calm down, or, as my friend Kellianne wrote when I asked why people come to me for healing work, “Usually pain relief, but it usually helps my soul a bit as well.”

Pretty shiny, right? 🙂

Things are getting crazier and crazier online and in the world, so how’s about instead of suffering in silence, you click here, purchase a session for $1.00 a minute (15 minutes minimum), and let’s get you an #oasisofcalm in your day. Sound good? Let’s do this!

Much love,

Pip 🙂

©Pip Miller – May 2018

PS: if you want to do some serious chakra-clearing, emotional unblocking, check out my Dare session! And don’t forget to read Amanda’s post about her experience* with it…she tells you about it much better than I can. 🙂

*the name of my website and the links in her post no longer work.

 

Oh, Dear May, Bite Me

This month has been about 5 months long already. Is it just me? We have a house guest for an unknown length of time, took care of a very, very sick dog who ended up having to be put to sleep (is there another way to say that? Put to sleep just sounds so…I don’t know, just wrong; he’s not sleeping). The weather has been insane, I’ve got about a billion tasks on my plate, and on top of all that, I was trying not to drink.

 

 

The dog just sent the wagon hurtling over the edge, and I’m really to damned tired and sad to care about whether I drink or not. He truly was a gentle giant and today would have been his third birthday. My heart hurts, and it wasn’t even our dog! He was the brother to one of ours, though.

Add in the never-ending train wreck that our government is, and I’m over this month.

Today the dark moon is in Taurus – yes, dark moon. Contrary to calendars, it is NOT the new moon when you can’t see the moon at night (check out Lady Althaea’s excellent post about the difference). This is a pause in the dance, one I’d love to take advantage of, but I’ve too much to do today.

BTW, the new moon is when you see the crescent, and that will be on Tuesday. Theresa Reed wrote a post about the new moon and what it means, including some card readings for each sign.

Be kind, be safe, and please, take care of yourself. If you can, take advantage of this pause and have a self-care day. If you can’t, well, be as gentle with yourself as you can.

Much love,

Pip 🙂

©Pip Miller – May 2018

PS: the other day I offered a few free 15-minute sessions on Twitter, and one of them was given to Christina Ng of Reconnects Reiki. It was a simple, short, general session, and this was her feedback:

“THANK YOU. That went deep. Took my Angels’ advice to go lie down in my treatment room to minimize dizziness. Between you, your guides, & mine, I was able to rearrange my shields to dump out garbage and pull back my own soul fragments… esp. around my brain & eyes.”

I tell you what…feedback never fails to amaze me! 🙂

 

 

What’s Your Oasis?

I was just sending healing light to someone, and sitting outside as usual, watching nature. I caught site of a ladybug frantically climbing up and down the weeds that we allow to grow around the birdbath. I thought she was an ant at first because of how she was moving. Then she climbed one stalk and paused in the fern-like thing at the top, but almost immediately turned back around and started her frantic pace again.

You can just see her hiding in there.

She climbed three or four other stalks, then ran back up that particular one that caused her to pause, and she’s been there ever since.

She found her oasis.

The light I was sending was for anxiety and panic attacks, and it just kept running through my mind: find your oasis, find your oasis.

So, I wonder, what’s yours?

©Pip Miller – May 2018

PS: this weekend was rough. Taking care of someone’s sick dog, boredom (extreme boredom), and that voice in my head was devious. Very devious. But I didn’t let it get the best of me. 🙂

 

Back to the Bullet Journal

Planners, planners, planners. What is up with all of them?? I’ve been through more types than I care to admit, and after a recent attempt at a Planner Pad (which, in and of itself, a FABULOUS planner) and finally admitting that I seriously don’t have that much to plan and so I tend to do more logging, I decided to give the BuJo a try again.

Rather than buying a new planner – though, I will be buying one of these beauties from J. B. Welly for next year!! – I took my already-in-progress journal/commonplace book/notebook and added the bujo to it. It’s a five section notebook, so I started the bujo in the 4th section so I’ll have room for the rest of the year.

I’m keeping it simple this time. Last time I watched way, way too many videos and had too many sections and it just went off the rails. Now I have The Alastair Method as my monthly setup (with a change brought on by this picture) simple daily pages, and a few collections. My master key is based on the one Dee Martinez created, plus her double margins on the left, too. Add to that Ryder’s tracker to the right of each page, and I’m good.

I refuse to look at all those gorgeous bujo works of art that are all over the internet, especially the ones with the calligraphic handwriting because I just can’t. My handwriting has gone to hell from the tremors (and I even dropped color-coding), so it’s better this way. Really, it is. *sniffle*

Much love,
Pip 🙂

©Pip Miller – May 2018

PS: is calligraphic a word?

PPS: Day 4 of the dry life. Last night was a test, but I sailed through it!! And I’m over the A-Z thing, so be prepared for randomness!

PPS: is randomness a word?

 

C is for Conversation

I’m not good at it. I’m always worried that I’m going to say something stupid, something that will be ridiculed, something for which I will be teased. So I’ve always preferred to listen.

Unless I drink.

©teesforall.com

Y’all know how it goes. Courage in a bottle. The “I don’t care what I say” boost. The “open mouth, insert both feet” drinks of fun.

Ugh.

I become that person. I say things without thinking, or I think to much and it comes out garbled, I repeat myself, I’m an expert on OH-SO-MUCH, I know how to fix everyone’s problems…

I’m better off quiet. I could hear myself, in that wee corner of my mind where the beast in my head hadn’t completely run rampant, and I couldn’t stand me. And yet I did it, over and over and over. The problem is that now I’m back to being unsure all the time, and I don’t like this feeling. I have zero desire to drink, I just need to learn how to actually, for the first time in my life, feel comfortable being me: quiet, thoughtful, unsure and a bit anxious. It’s ok that I am that way, though I’ve always thought it isn’t. And who knows, maybe as I sit with my true self for a while I’ll discover that I’m ok if I say something that others take wrong. That being gullible and taking people at their word isn’t the worst trait in the world. That saying silly things out of the blue is something that others do, too. That people aren’t going to always like what I say or the questions I have, but I have every right to say or ask them. Most of all, that I don’t need alcohol to voice my true self.

That, that my friends, means the world to me.

Much love,

Pip 🙂

©Pip Miller – May 2018

 

PS: I’m trying out the Bullet Journal again, and may write a separate post about it in a day or two.

PPS: That shirt above? If you haven’t watched Archer, oh my goodness, DO! If nothing else, it will be a good lesson in the evils of drinking – as you’re laughing your ass off. 🙂 It’s on Netflix, as well as on tv. Go. Watch.

B is for Bubbly

Water, that is. Sparkling water. Alcohol-free.

Do you hear the Beverly Hillbillies song in your head too?

Anyway…🤣

Yesterday I discovered that the flavored water section of the grocery store has exploded with brands and flavors, and I snagged myself these babies.

The bottom one has more flavor, but I did drink the blackberry vanilla when it was warm, so I’ll see how it is nice and cold. This brand has the most creative flavors; cucumber melon and pineapple coconut are just two of the others I chose from.

Do you have a favorite brand or flavor? Let me know so I can try it out!!!

Yesterday was an easy ‘no drinking’ day, but then the first day always is. Ask me again Thursday. 😉

Much love,

Pip

©Pip Miller – May 2018

A is for Alcohol

That devious, seductive, carefree, lying SOB. The one that tempts you over and over to drink, “It’s ok, everyone does it!” The one who swears that you won’t get hurt, neglecting, of course, to mention what it does to your body, your brain, your life…

I’ve been fighting that SOB for about 15 years, and I’m tired. Bone-weary. SO over drinking and squabbling and draining my bank account, and oh, so many other things.

So here I am. Hoping that writing daily for the month will keep me focused and accountable and not. freaking. drinking. ever. again.

I use an app on my phone for the Mystic Mondays tarot deck, and this is today’s. Damn!

©Mystic Mondays

And today’s date adds up to 17, which then adds up to 8. These are the cards from the SpiritSong deck:

©SpiritSong Tarot

Pretty cool, right? The hope and healing of the swan/Star, and overcoming the demons inside of the elephant/Strength card. Great combo.

OH! I made a “wake” (aka collection) of a few things that are in my sobriety toolbox; you can check it out here. I’ll probably add things to it as the month goes on.

Thanks for being here!!

Much love,

Pip 🙂

©Pip Miller – May 2018